Something I was surprised by when I first came out as trans, was the number of people who asked about why I’d chosen the name Zac. Initially I struggled to put into words how it had come to be my choice of name, it had simply felt right to me. It was after I had first spoken to someone about being trans that I seriously started to consider what I would like my name to be, I remember sitting on the bus trying out names in my head. I considered going for a more gender neutral name, like Alex, or Sam, but those didn’t sound right to me. Then I said the name Zac to myself, and it felt right, it felt like my name in a way my birth name never had.
But there is more to the name Zac: from about the age of 7 until I was 15 I lived a vivid alternate reality inside my head. Zac, or Zacchaeus, was a character in that world, and I eventually realised that Zac was me.
My full name is Zacchaeus, which is a biblical name, from Luke’s gospel. It has significance for me, as Zacchaeus was a short tax collector, someone who was disliked by most of society, and not particularly honest. He climbed a tree to see Jesus, Jesus stopped, and told him he was coming to his house for tea. Jesus didn’t see this man as everyone else saw him, and I don’t believe He sees me through the same lens as everyone else.
The blog’s name
My blog is called Transistence as I aim for it to be a record of my trans existence, a journal of my experience of life. The similarity to the word resistance is also not accidental, my whole life I have felt different, always at odds with my communities, and resisted people telling me how to live my life.
This morning I woke with an urge to start a blog again. I used to have one, back when I was a naive teenager, with opinions on things I knew very little about, fully convinced that I knew what I believed and where I was going in life. When that all fell apart, I neglected the blog, and eventually deleted it.
Since then, a lot has changed and I now feel that I have something worth putting out there again. I have a fairly unique perspective on the world as a transgender, bisexual Catholic, and I have some small hope that my musings may help someone who is trying to live and reconcile the reality of seemingly conflicting elements of faith, transition, and sexuality.
My plan it to share my own story, and talk about my life as it happens, with some commentary on current events as I see fit.